i find myself reeling today from three different things. i feel the weight of fear of rejection. i'm wrestling with it and trying to do business with it. as i look around the campus, categories seem to drop out of nowhere. i have perceptions of who i should/will relate to. i have perceptions of who others will/won't relate to. categories never prove very user friendly or gospel-centric. so my convictions lie in two major areas. one: i can't relate to HIM. and two: i've gotta get to know HIM. one pride, the other idolatry. but behind that is an ernest desire to not try and become everyone's friend. that suit, while apparently looking good on me, never fit so well. i'm yearning for the companionship of intimate friends.
the second thing i'm distracted by is a celebration of my ignorance. so it turns out that i don't know as much as i thought i did. and, to tell you the truth, its quite a relief. two big things have come out in the first week of classes. faith is more foundational and more real than i've been letting my heart embrace. the same goes with exegetical, practical teaching/preaching. the Word came to effect our hearts. the "logos" swooped down, infiltrated the ranks, destroyed the whole system and started a revolutionary emancipation. and now we must, in part, command the legions. proper leadership requires proper focus.
and third, but "a priori", is death to self. the conviction to kill self. he was killed. we must kill. he was raised. we are raised up. we've been set on high places, its time for us to act like it. but the battle never ends. the good thing is that our Arsenal is up to the task. we've got one weapon, and it never wears down. its just the language, the misuse and the misapplication that drives us crazy, makes us nuts and pulls us apart. i walk... no i run... today in its light. Col. 3:1-5
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